Australia’s leading authority on marriage breakdowns, Barnaby Joyce, has reached out to actor Nicole Kidman to tell her that he has a shoulder if she needs one to cry on.

”I know marriage breakdowns can be hard, trust me, I know, so Nic if you’re listening call me,” said the member for New England. ”I’m here for you, whether it’s to listen, offer advice or just hit the town together and knock back some Savy B’s.”

”Who knows where we might end up.”

When asked what advice he’d offer the newly separated star, the member for New England said: ”The best advice is to get back on the horse.”

”Go out and sow a few wild oats, don’t live a repressed lifestyle, but be safe, wouldn’t want to impregnate a staffer.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to see if he honeymoon suite at the New England Hotel is free this week.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

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Categories: Media

Tags: auspol, Australia, Barnaby Joyce, Cocaine, divorce, Keith Urban, marriage, Nashville., New England, Nicole Kidman, Pre-Nup, Root, satire, Savvy B, Sleeze, TMZ