A contrite nuclear physicist at CERN has been severely reprimanded after putting Hot Wheels cars at each end of the Large Hadron Collider and conducting experiments to see if anything cool happens when they crash at high speeds. “We caught… Read More ›
Science
Man Wants To Know When He Can Go Back To Not Washing His Hands
Scouring news reports for details of what restrictions are being lifted where and when, Brad Murray has just one question: when can he go back to never really bothering to wash his hands? While many have had their lives turned… Read More ›
Malcolm Roberts Plans To Fly To Seattle To Make A Citizen’s Arrest Of Bill Gates
One Nation’s leading mind Malcolm Roberts has demanded that the Prime Minister allow flights out of Australia, so that he can fly to Seattle in the United States of America to make a citizen’s arrest of Microsoft founder Bill Gates…. Read More ›
“Your Cities Are Ours Now” Declare New Cockatoo Overlords
Australia’s hopes of a post coronavirus recovery have been dashed after our cockatoo dictators decreed they will not be giving up their control of the city streets without a fight. “The only workers considered essential under our regime will be… Read More ›
Cleaning Staff From Engadine Maccas Employed To Sanitize The Ruby Princess
Prime Minister Scott Morrison has called in the big guns to help sanitize the embattled Ruby Princess cruise ship by hiring the cleaning staff from Engadine Maccas. ”Before we send the Ruby Princess on it’s way (or better yet get… Read More ›
Manspreading Compulsory Under New Social Distancing Law
The government has introduced a new $10,000 fine for passengers who don’t manspread on buses and trains in a bid to slow down the transmission of the coronavirus. “Any person who sits down on public transport and doesn’t whack their… Read More ›