NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian has announced that this year’s New Year’s Eve fireworks display will be cancelled due to the bushfires with pokies machines to be wheeled onto the bridge as an appropriate replacement. “We consulted with the appropriate authorities… Read More ›
Australia
ScoMo Regrets Allowing Dutton To Arm Border Force With Machine Guns
Prime Minister (for now) Scott Morrison currently attempting to re-enter the country after an overseas jaunt to Hawaii has expressed his frustration at allowing the Minister for the Dark Arts Peter Dutton to arm Border Force agents based at airports… Read More ›
Prime Minister Blames Heatwave On Bushfires
Prime Minister Scott Morrison announced today that the current heatwave conditions ravaging most parts of Australia were not caused by climate change, but by the bushfires currently incinerating Australia. Scomo told a packed Engadine Maccas: ” I’m no scientist, but… Read More ›
Aussie School Kids Defend Their Performance In Maths With 12 Out Of 10 Of Them Thinking They Are On Par With Other Countries
Australian School kids have reacted angrily to a report suggesting that they are at least three years behind the leading countries in mathematics with 12 out of 10 of them taking to Instagram to complain about the study. “How can… Read More ›
Young Libs To Be Punished By Being Forced To Join The Westpac Grad Program
The two members of the Gold Coast Young Liberals who made a video that included racist slurs against indigenous people are set to be punished later this week by being forced to join the Westpac bank graduate program. “This is… Read More ›
Frydenburg Promises To Flog Westpac With The Warmest Of Lettuce
Treasurer Josh Frydenburg has told colleagues of his plans to punish rogue bank Westpac by flogging the bank and it’s executives with the warmest lettuce he can find. “Josh is very upset at Westpac right now,” said a Government Insider…. Read More ›