The makers of Smiths Chips have gone into hiding following the appointment of Peter Dutton as the head of Australia’s new super Home Affairs security ministry. “ISIS, the mafia and Russian spies will no longer be Australia’s main security concern,”… Read More ›
Peter Dutton
Severe Loss Of Old Growth Greens As Citizenship Based Clear-felling Continues
The Australian Greens are today surveying the damage done to the party room following the citizenship-based clear-felling that has occurred to their old-growth Senators. The loss of Senators Ludlam and Waters is seen as significant and has caused structural damage… Read More ›
Ministry Warns Of The Rise Of The Dark Lord
Malcolm Turnbull’s cabinet are growing increasingly fearful that he is risking the rise to power of the Dark Lord by continually saying his name out loud. Foreign Minister, Julie Bishop, this morning spoke nervously: “None of us want to see… Read More ›
Molly Meldrum Designs Australian Citizenship English Test
The government has appointed noted orator Ian “Molly” Meldrum to administer a tough new English language test that will require new citizens to decipher the words of a James Reyne song. “The um people wanting to er um making it… Read More ›
Peter Dutton Does Not Care About People Who Don’t Like Potatoes
Minister for Immigration and aspiring super villain, Peter Dutton sat down with The (un)Australian for a profile piece where he talked about his hopes, dreams and indifference towards people who don’t like potatoes. The Minister said of people’s food tastes: “Look Australia… Read More ›
Dutton Poll Shock 70% Of Australians Avoid Carbs
In a blow to aspiring Prime Minister Peter Dutton a poll conducted amongst the constituents of his electorate, Dickson in Queensland found that 70% of voters tried to avoid carbohydrates, such as potatoes. Speaking to The (un)Australian a terse Minister… Read More ›