Malcolm Turnbull’s cabinet are growing increasingly fearful that he is risking the rise to power of the Dark Lord by continually saying his name out loud.
Foreign Minister, Julie Bishop, this morning spoke nervously: “None of us want to see You Know Who’s powers get any stronger than they currently are. The Prime Minister must show responsible leadership and stop saying his name out loud.”
However, at a press conference this afternoon, Mr Turnbull showed a flagrant disregard for Ms Bishop’s concerns in a speech about border protection.
“This Government takes its border protection responsibilities very seriously and Peter Dutton has worked tirelessly in this regard. Peter Dutton is a fearless minister and an asset to this government. When tough decisions are needed, Peter Dutton is the one I trust to get the job done.”
During the speech, while lurking ominously in the shadows, Mr Dutton’s eyes began strangely glowing as he stared intently at Mr Turnbull. The Prime Minister suddenly appeared vague and disoriented as he continued his speech.
Staring blankly, the PM droned: “In fact, so impressive is Mr Dutton’s work that I’ve decided he should take control of all matters relating to national security, including border protection, ASIO and the Federal Police. I am confident that placing the personal security and privacy of all citizens of Australia into the control of one man can only be for the good of this country.”
In a darkened back room at Parliament House, Scott Morrison, Matthias Corman and Christopher Pyne sat around a cauldron and whispered in unison “It begins.”