Dutton Poll Shock 70% Of Australians Avoid Carbs

In a blow to aspiring Prime Minister Peter Dutton a poll conducted amongst the constituents of his electorate, Dickson in Queensland found that 70% of voters tried to avoid carbohydrates, such as potatoes.

Speaking to The (un)Australian a terse Minister Dutton rejected the poll, saying: “I do not believe that poll accurately reflects the views of mainstream Australia. In fact I have classified polling of my own that says that 99% of all Australians love carbohydrates and a further 100% of all Australians would name their firstborn child Peter, regardless of gender.”

When The (un)Australian asked to see Minister Dutton’s polling he replied: “Why don’t you believe me? I demand an apology from you and the ABC for not believing me. You know it is against the law to doubt the Minister for Immigration? You’re in big trouble you are.”

At this point Minister Dutton stormed off muttering insults about the media, until it was pointed out he was still wired up to a lapel microphone.

Mark Williamson


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Categories: Politics

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