Weekend (un) Australian: Spill Fashions On The Field: What Will Everyone Be Wearing?

Les Miserables Australian Premiere


With the Prime Minister bringing the Liberal Spill motion forward to tomorrow,  fashion designers across the country and indeed the world are rushing to dress their favourite LNP politicians in time.

‘It’s a great opportunity to get our product out there,” said Carla Zampatti from behind her Janome 2000. ‘We did quite well out of the Labor Spills but the Liberal Spill is going to be something else. LNP voters can actually afford our product whereas Labor voters can only steal it.’

International designers are fighting over which cabinet ministers to dress. Prada has been outraged that Chanel has approached their client Scott Morrison. ‘We all know that the Devil wears Prada,’ said Miucca Prada from her sweatshop. ‘So back off! They all need to stick to their own clients. Christopher Pyne : Coco Chanel, Malcolm Turnbull : Tom Ford, Joe Hockey : Lowes Menswear.’

It is believed though that Education Minister Christopher Pyne will be wearing a variety of designers throughout the spill event. ‘I have a number of outfits planned that’s right,’ said Mr Pyne at a fitting with head Chanel designer, Karl Lagerfield at his Paris studio. ‘Peta says I’m being ridiculous but she can get stuffed. She can’t tell me what to do now. I can wear any designer I like.’

The house of Chanel remains Pyne’s spiritual home though.  ‘We love Christopher,’ said Lagerfield sketching the minister in his scrapbook. ‘He looks good in anything whether it be a pencil skirt, couture blouse or pearl necklace.’

Foreign Minister Julie Bishop is expected to take a more militant approach than she normally does and come dressed as Cruella De Vil. ‘I want Australia to see the real me,’ said the Western Australian surrounded by dalmatians. ‘Australians have seen the Real Julia, it’s time they saw the Real Julie. Pass me that mink.’

Malcolm Turnbull is remaining loyal to his top gay, Tom Ford, but the designer reports that it’s been difficult getting the Communications Minister in for a fitting. ‘I can never get in contact with him. He’s always on the phone. He hasn’t been off it for weeks. Lucy keeps ringing and asking me if Malcolm has my support. He will. When he’s paid his bill.’

People are still guessing as to what the Prime Minister will be wearing to the spill. ‘He’ll wear what I tell him,’ said Peta Credlin to one of her serfs.

The Prime Minister though did give a little hint on Friday when he said to reporters, ‘We are not the Labor Party.’

Fashion experts are predicting then he will be in something from 1952.

John Cahill


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