The federal government announced last night that young people who lose their jobs will only be forced into prostitution for four weeks before they are eligible for unemployment benefits, instead of six months as expected.
Speaking off the record, spokesperson for the treasurer, let’s just call him Scott M, told The (un)Australian about the budget: “You like that, don’t you? That was my idea. I told Joe, I said listen, mate, six months is too long for kids to have to wait for the dole, they’ll turn to crime and we all know it’ll be our electorates that are targeted. So why not make it just one month?”
Not everyone was happy with the four-week wait for unemployment benefits for the young, with many people speaking about how the young would be forced to desperate actions, such as prostitution.
However, the spokesperson said: “Four weeks working as a prostitute or thief will be great training for these kids before they re-enter the workforce. Show me a thief now and I show you a future CEO or hedge fund manager.”
The proposed changes will take effect once they are passed through the senate or when hell freezes over, whichever comes first.