Prime Minister Tony Abbott has declared that popes are unsightly and make way too much noise, in response to the encyclical on climate change released by Pope Francis.
“I recently cycled past a pope and found the big gold cross he was carrying to be garish and unsightly,” said the devoutly Catholic Abbott. “And that tall pointy hat he was wearing was a danger to passing birds.”
While stopping short of appointing a special commissioner to investigate the impact of popes on human health, the PM did question the pope’s contention that governments should be doing more to battle greenhouse gas emissions.
“If the Lord meant us to use wind and sunlight as a source of energy, he’d have buried it deep underground and covered it up with charming countryside like he did with all that lovely coal.”
The pope’s encyclical has also proved difficult to handle for other opinion makers, with reports from the offices of The Daily Telegraph that columnist Miranda Devine’s head has exploded after a long night of trying to reconcile her fervent Catholicism with her equally fervent denial of man-made climate change.