Nation’s Tea Houses Brace Themselves For Mad Monday

tea rooms

Tea houses across Australia have been beefing up security and ordering in extra supplies to cope with Mad Monday, the day when football players from teams that missed the semi finals traditionally cut loose and indulge in excessive drinking of their favourite beverage.

“We’ve ordered in ten extra packets of earl grey plus a selection of green and herbal varieties,” said Maxine Doily, proprietor of Geelong tea house One For The Pot. “We don’t expect any trouble, but just to be on the safe side we’re going to make sure that there are plenty of scones and cucumber sandwiches on hand to help soak up the tannin content of anyone who overindulges.”

Some clubs are keeping celebrations in-house due to trouble in past years, where fellow diners have complained of players taking too much strawberry jam and cream.

“We’re going to be hiring our own croquet court so players can let their hair down at the end of a long season without worrying about nuffies hogging all the mallets,” said Wests Tigers CEO Arthur Jiggler. “Players have been warned that anyone who eats more than their fair share of the little three quarter-sized cupcakes or doesn’t place their empty sugar packets in their saucer is facing a hefty fine and a long suspension at the start of next year.”

AFL club St Kilda are following the example set last year by the Western Bulldogs and flying their entire team to Ceylon along with their wives and families.

“Our blokes have trained hard all year and deserve a chance to have a bit of fun and indulge in the best tips and leaves,” said coach Mal Dangler. “But be warned, anyone who wants to be a mug and pours the milk in before the hot water will have their contract cancelled and be put on the first plane home.”

Peter Green

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