The amount of single mothers has risen sharply in Australia as thousands of women around the country started divorce proceedings from their own husbands in the hope of landing the hand of outstandingly hunky One Nation candidate David Archibald in marriage.
“I hope there’s enough room in his granny flat for me and my five kids,” said Hobart mum Raelene Blancmange. “Once I clapped eyes on him I realised that I could no longer stay with my current burnt turd of a husband who’s uglier than one of Jamiroquai’s hats full of arseholes.”
“I used to fantasise about Hugh Jackman carrying me away on the back of a unicorn but now all I can think about is David Archibald tenderly caressing me in his arms as he expounds the benefits of a two percent flat tax rate,” said Coffs Harbour mum Tania Wobbegong. “My soon to be ex husband Sean was recently featured as Mr January in the Naked Firies calendar but he pales into insignificance when compared to David.”
Archibald is expected to be endorsed as a candidate in Western Australia if he satisfies new party rules of being under investigation for no more than five separate felonies.
“David will have to post a $250,000 bond that will be forfeited if he is discovered describing me as an orange haired cow pat on social media,” said One Nation leader Pauline Hanson. “In the meantime I’d like to let the silver tongued devil know my motel room door is always unlocked.”