Melbourne Storm halfback Cooper Cronk has admitted that he’ll be quitting the club at the end of 2017 and moving to Sydney because he misses not being able to take part in animated dinner party conversations about high house prices and how bad the traffic is.
“I’m sick and tired of standing around the barbecue talking about how good the laneway culture is,” said the NRL star after opting out of the last year of his contract with the club. “There’s nothing I like better than being totally outraged at how much a run down terrace house from Lilyfield has pulled in at auction or having a good old whine about being stuck on Military Road during peak hour.”
“I should have known Cooper was unhappy when I spotted him in team meetings secretly listening to Vic Laruso’s eye in the sky traffic reports on his mobile”, said disappointed Storm captain Cameron Smith. “We’d often have him around for dinner and he’d just tune out when we started discussing who’d be this year’s King of Moomba.”
Cronk had reportedly rejected a large offer from the Brisbane Broncos who had tried to entice him back to Queensland with a generous package that included weekly conversations about how hard it is to find good after school childcare and whether or not more light rail was a good idea.
“We flew Cooper up to have a look at our set up and he was very impressed with our training facilities and the quality of our junior players,” said Bulldogs coach Des Hasler. “But his main interest was in how bad the traffic was on the F5 during the morning peak and how many new blocks of flats were going up in the Wolli Creek area.”