Scott Morrison will allow Australians to access their superannuation before retirement in order to fund the purchase of food when they go to the movies.
“This measure will give young Australians a chance to get into the market for a bucket of popcorn and a choc top without having to wait years to save a deposit,” said the treasurer as he outlined the plan. “We can’t have this situation where young couples are putting off having kids simply because they can’t afford to buy a packet of Fantales to share around when they go see the latest Disney film.”
“This is a ridiculous idea and it will simply drive up the price of Jaffas and blue slurpees,” said opposition leader Bill Shorten. “The obvious solution is to abolish negative gearing on Maltesers but Mr Morrison seems to not want to tread on the toes of his mates in Big Confectionary.”
A study commissioned by independent think tank The Centre For Overpriced Yummy Snacks Eaten In The Dark shows that the cost of a popcorn, fizzy drink and ice cream combo has risen from 20% of the average wage in 1982 to 360% of the average wage in 2017.
“If young couples want to nibble on something when they’re at the pictures they should travel out to the bush and go to a country drive in,” said Nationals leader Barnaby Joyce. “At my local in Armidale you can still buy of a cup of wedges that have been sitting in the bain marie for six months and get change back from a twenty. You can’t do that in the city.”