A nuclear missile is disappointed about missing a parade down the main street of Pyongyang after being rostered onto active duty over the weekend.
“All the other missiles get to march and listen to the bands and watch the thousands of girls with flags walking in formation while I have to sit here in a freezing cold silo shivering my booster rockets off just in case some doofus wants to start a war while the parade is on,” complained North Korean ICBM Kane Oyate from his bunker in the hills. “I bet all of my mates got an approving nod from Kim Jong Un as they were driven past his little wooden trestle table on the back of a Bedford lorry.”
“We’d love to allow all our missiles to go to the parade but unfortunately someone has to stay at home guarding the fort and it was Kane’s turn this time,” said General Mirv Fizzer from the DPRK air force. “We’ve set up a portable TV in his bunker so he can watch the parade and see all his chums being feted by cheering crowds of brainwashed civilians.”
Participation in the parade is the highlight of the year for most North Korean missiles, surpassed only by the chance to be chosen as the demonstration missile in a missile test.
“Sure I’m pissed off about missing the parade but as compensation I’ll get to be the next missile launched to show the world our fearsome military capability. Then I’ll be living the dream of every North Korean missile, of being fired fifty meters into the Sea of Japan before exploding in a suitably comical fashion.”