A survey has found that a majority of parents sending their children to scripture classes are doing it so their kids will be able to get the jokes in their Christmas cards.
“I’m not a churchie at all but I think it’s important that Tristan learns that Jesus was born in a manger and was visited by three wise men bearing some weird ass gifts,” said Kirrawee mother Elspeth Le Blanc. “Those poor kids doing free time instead of religious education are going to be well baffled on Christmas morning when they start opening up their cards.”
“You don’t see many Christmas cards with Richard Dawkins as the punchline,” said Penshurst North Public School scripture teacher Primrose Cardigan. “As a bare minimum the kids ought to know that Mary was supposed to be a virgin and that some cranky inn manager sent them out to the stables because there were no rooms, thus allowing plenty of cracks about Joseph being a bit slow and the hotels being full because it’s the holiday season.”
An investigation has revealed that a majority of the funding for scripture lessons in NSW schools comes from John Sands, Hallmark and the Ink Group.
“I make a good living charging $6.50 for a small bit of folded cardboard with a dozen or so words written on it,” said Christmas card designer Bob Paravian. “If kids don’t learn the nativity story it defeats the purpose of my coming up with fresh ways to make jest about how closely the words frankincense and Frankenstein resemble each other.”