Both sides have begun negotiating with the member for New England Barnaby Joyce in hopes of gaining his vote to form the next government of New Zealand.
“We’ve offered to move the New Zealand Pesticides and Veterinary Medicine Authority from Wellington to Armidale ay,” said incumbent Prime Minister Bill English. “There’s also an offer of a lifetime’s supply of Cadbury’s Chocolate Fish on the table and we’ll see to it that an entire week’s worth of Footrot Flats gets set in the Tenterfield region.”
“We’ll make Barnaby the deputy PM for two whole months of the year if he wants it,” said opposition candidate Jacinda Ardern. “Obviously they’ll have to be two of the quietest months in New Zealand politics, so he has a choice of anytime between January and December.”
It is believed that both parties are contemplating offering Mr Joyce, of the New Zealand First Australia Second Party, the role of Minister in charge of Quarantine and Illegal Animal Importation. This would be bad news for actor Johnny Depp who was hoping to film his new movie Shepherds of the Caribbean in the Invercargill region later this year.
Peter Green
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