Friends of Sam Dastyari report that the Labor Senator has been standing on the shores of Cheviot Beach with a suitcase in hand awaiting the arrival of a Chinese submarine for the past two weeks.
“Sam has been up to his ankles in a wetsuit staring hopefully out to sea since the middle of November,” said a source within the Labor Party. “He got quite excited when a large grey shape started to emerge from the waves but it turned out to be an elephant seal looking for mate.”
The suitcase is believed to contain Dastyari’s toothbrush, his pyjamas, two pairs of clean underpants, a copy of the Lonely Planet Guide To China and a piece of paper with Harold Holt’s Beijing phone number written on it.
“We’ve been directed by President Xi personally to stay submerged off Cheviot Beach and scoop up Sam when he bobs past,” confirmed Chinese submarine captain Zhang Wei Zhou. “Xi has called him back to Beijing to help shore up numbers in the inner city branches dominated by the right faction of the CPC.”
Concerns about Senator Dastyari have been raised after he made statement’s supporting China’s greater role in the South China Sea, pressurised colleagues not to meet pro- democracy dissidents and attempted to have Parliament House redecorated with red flock wallpaper.