The NSW government is facing a planning crisis after a strike at Australia’s largest beer coaster factory has left it with no available surfaces on which to nut out the details of multi billion dollar infrastructure projects.
“How the hell are we supposed to work out the costs of things like Westconnex and rebuilding our sporting stadiums every five years without a soggy beer coaster to do the maths on,” complained Premier Gladys Berejiklian. “There are important calculations to be made before we embark on any of these projects, namely how many votes they’ll win, and the number of opportunities it gives us to be photographed in a hard hat surrounded by grinning common folk wearing hi vis clothing.”
“It’s a little known fact that John Bradfield worked out the entire design of the Sydney Harbour Bridge on the back of a one of our coasters with a picture of a bottle of Flag Ale on the front,” said Phil Middy, owner of Soak Em Up Beer Coasters Pty Ltd. “Unless we can come to an agreement with our workforce the whole future of NSW planning will be in tatters, not to mention every small business idea that a bunch of drunk mates come up with late on a Friday night.”
The proposed Metro line along Victoria Road had to be scrapped by the previous Labor government after the plans were accidentally used to soak up a schooner of Tooheys New that Kristina Keneally knocked over in the Members and Strangers Dining Room.
“One of the reasons the light rail along George Street is taking so long to build is that they have to keep ferrying the beer coaster around by courier to various different work sites,” said opposition leader Luke Foley. “I’ve heard rumours that the current plan to spend $2.5 billion on reconstructing Stuart Ayres’s bruised ego is a two coaster job.”
The lack of coasters has delayed plans to announce some cockeyed scheme to build a pipeline from the water desalination plant at Kurnell over the Blue Mountains to feed fresh water into the Murray Darling river system, or an underground railway line from Wollongong to Newcastle, or whatever.
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You bloody well can’t have my beer coasters. I write novels on them. Go get yer own.
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