Immigration Minister and aspiring super villain Peter Dutton has reached out to South African potato farmers with an offer of a family visa in an effort to aide their move to Australia.
“The thought of those poor white farmers suffering really brings a tear to my pink eye,” said Minister Dutton. “If we don’t stand up and do something for those poor white people what sort of a message are we sending to the rest of the World?”
When asked why the preference to white South African farmers rather than Syrian asylum seekers or Rohingya asylum seekers Minister Dutton replied: “How dare you question Lord Dutton. You are dead to me, so dead to me. Fake news reporter this interview is over can’t hear you, can’t see you.”
The South African Government when reached for comment on Minister Dutton’s offer said: “There is no truth in anything your Immigration Minister says. It’s just not cricket, well for you Australian’s maybe it is cricket.”
You can check out our new show Decennium Horribilius at this year’s Sydney Comedy Festival. Hosted by The (un)Australian, the quiz show features teams of some of Sydney’s best comics trying to answer questions about the decade of the 1990s — with prizes for the audience.
Saturday May 5, 5.30pm. The Factory Theatre. Book tickets here.