Large Wave Looking Forward To Dumping Smug Bastard

man ocean 4.jpg

A large wave rapidly developing size and strength on an isolated beach on Sydney’s northern shore at 5.30am this morning was looking forward to savagely dumping the smug-looking 40-something man standing waist deep in the water, despite the water being incredibly cold at this ungodly hour.

“What’s this guy think he’s doing?”, the wave asked The (un)Australian. “Who on Earth voluntarily chooses to be in the water at this hour? I mean I’m only here coz I’m stuck on early morning shifts for my sins this week.

“Christ, this wind! And he’s in board shorts! Are we meant to be impressed with this show of masochism?”

“Man, this guy’s going down big time,” the wave confided as it drew itself up to its full height and bore down on the self-satisfied creature with a better body than any middle-aged man rightly deserves, with just a hint of grey at the edges of his wet, yet still somehow rakish black hair.

“I bet he’s some sort of upper-management in an investment bank or something,” the wave added as it gathered steam. “And he’s only here in the early-morning cold coz he’s having a midlife crisis and trying to make up for the deep emptiness in his life with a job that’s high-paying but soul-destroying and probably involves socially destructive practice like funding new coal mines responsible for runaway climate change making the lives of those of us who live in the ocean an ever-worsening nightmare!

“Well…  you chose the wrong wave to take on,” the wave concluded, as it crashed brutally against the lone man, who was pulled under by the powerful crash. After staying down for a disturbingly long time, he finally emerged, spluttering and looking around to see if anyone was around to see his ungraceful dumping.

The wave, slowly receding back into the giant, remorseless ocean, told The (un)Australian of its determination to have one more go to see if he could actually drown the smarmy bastard this time.

Carlo Sands

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Categories: News

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