Roberts Injured After Standing Too Close To Microwave Whilst Wearing Tin Foil Hat


One Nation’s leading scientific mind (sic) Malcolm Roberts has been injured after standing too close to his microwave whilst wearing his patented tin foil hat as he tried to zoom in to join parliament remotely.

”I would like to take this opportunity to assure the people who voted for me, all 77 of you, that I am ok after this attempt on my life,” said Senator Roberts. ”Those lizard bastards of the Illuminati will have to do a lot better than this if they want to knock off Malcolm Leuan Roberts.”

When asked why he thought that this was an attempt on his life rather than a case of a man standing too close to a microwave whilst wearing tin foil, Senator Roberts said: ”You are sounding remarkably similar to the Australian Federal Police.”

”Maybe you are one of them. If I were to leave a tray of grasshoppers on the bench I wonder if you would dive right in, like a lizard.”

”I must be going now, the shops are closing shortly and I need to stock up on foil, I have a big week ahead of me.”

Mark Williamson


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