Former Australian Prime Minister John Howard has made a fast recovery from his recent bout of appendicitis, telling friends that over-hearing his kids talking about putting him in an aged care home was just the inspiration he needed to get up and about.

”I thank the Australian people for their concern, but I just want to assure everyone that I am A-Ok,” said the former Prime Minister. ”I definitely don’t need to be put in a home.”

”Please don’t put me in a home. I don’t want a kerosene bath. Please let me stay at home with Janet.”

When asked why he was so fearful of heading to a retirement home or assisted aged-care living facility as they are also known, Mr Howard said: ”Those places are evil and I should know – I set them up.”

”You know, I don’t have a lot of regrets over what I’ve done in the past, but geez I regret putting Bronwyn Bishop in charge of the old people.”

”Why didn’t I just give her defence? She knows a thing or two about helicopters at least.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

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Categories: Politics

Tags: Aged Care Home, Appendicitis, Appendix, auspol, Bronwyn Bishop, Health Care, Hospital, Insiders, John Howard, KIds, Nursing Home, Old Age Home, PM, Prime Minister, QandA, Scomo