Lawsuit Settling Prince Andrew Tells Australia He’s Ready To Be Knighted

The Queen’s favourite Son fresh off settling a sexual assault lawsuit out of court has told the people of Australia that he is ready to be knighted for his services to children.

”The Prince is most relieved to make this whole Epstein matter disappear,” said a Spokesperson for the Palace. ”For awhile there things didn’t look good.”

”But, it’s amazing what a stack of paper with your Mum’s face on it can do in these situations.”

When asked if the Prince seriously believed that he could or should be Knighted by Australia, the Palace Spokesperson said: ”Well Sir Prince Philip his dear Father was knighted , so why not Andrew?”

”Besides, I hear your PM is after as many distractions as he can get. I’m sure he could knight the Prince and somehow place the blame at this Albo fellow’s feet.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, the Prince is keen to celebrate and I need to get some people for him to party with. You don’t know where the nearest High school is per chance?”

Mark Williamson


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