Former Prime Minister and curer of insomnia, John Winston Howard has today been awarded an honourary Doctorate from the Australian school of grooming. The award is for his tireless devotion to raising awareness among males of the need to groom… Read More ›
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South Australian Premier At Victorian Border Wanting To Buy 10 Million Size D Batteries
Counter staff at an all night service station in Kaniva were startled last night when Jay Weatherill pulled up in a ute and offered to purchase the entire stock of size D batteries. “He cleaned us out of torch batteries… Read More ›
Majority Of Australians Should Be ‘Available As Food Source’, Says Peter Singer
Renowned Australian ethicist and vegan, Professor Peter Singer has declared it morally acceptable to eat the majority of Australian voters. Speaking from his office at Princeton University, the famed utilitarian philosopher, author of Animal Liberation and 27 other books, weighed… Read More ›
Mike Baird Visits Flood Site, Weeps Over Lost Pokies Revenue
Visiting the town of Forbes to inspect the damage inflicted on the region due to floods, NSW Premier Mike Baird has broken down in tears over the potential loss of pokies revenue. Speaking to The (un)Australian, a distraught Premier said: “I… Read More ›
Will Putin’s Girlfriend Be Best Dressed WAG At Tonight’s Syrian Peace Talks?
Fashion fans are holding their breath in anticipation at who will be the best dressed WAG on the red carpet at tonight’s UN Security Council talks on Syria. “The bombers have always had the best dressed WAGS so keep your… Read More ›
Australia Adopts New Zealand Style Social Service System By Moving Everyone On Welfare To Bondi
Australia has taken note of New Zealand’s successful social welfare system and is following suit by making everyone currently on the dole go and live in Bondi. “New Zealand hardly has any unemployment and a low welfare budget due to… Read More ›