Local Cocaine dealers are up in arms after a number of their usual clients have turned their backs on them in favour of joining a cross fit gym. “Ah look mate it’s just not right you know,” said a dealer… Read More ›
Horse Racing
NSW Premier Orders Opera House Bistro To Start Serving Horse Meat
NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian has ordered the management of the Sydney Opera House Bistro to add horse meat to the menu. Her decision comes after she read shock jock Alan Jones’ latest cook book. “Horse meat is delicious or so… Read More ›
Sports Commentator Reminds Us To Always Use Heroin Responsibly
Viewers of the National Crab Soccer League are being constantly reminded to always use heroin responsibly after the league completed a multi million dollar sponsorship deal with Australia’s largest heroin dealer. “And don’t forget, always shoot up in a responsible… Read More ›
Melbourne Cup To Be Run In Two Stages To Allow More Gambling Ads In The Broadcast
Organisers of this year’s Melbourne Cup have accepted a request by online gambling companies to run the race in two stages to allow more gambling advertisements to be screened during the broadcast. “Good to see a bit of common sense… Read More ›
Nation’s Newsreaders Bitterly Divided Over Who Will Win Melbourne Cup
Australia’s newsreaders will head into Tuesday’s Melbourne Cup with wildly diverging predictions about who will win the nation’s most famous horse race. “I always hold back placing my bet until I’ve heard what the breakfast show hosts and the trusted… Read More ›
Thousands Expected To Send Off Racing Legend Bart Cummings To Glue Factory
Thousands of racing fans are expected to attend today’s state funeral for eyebrow aficionado Bart Cummings, held in Sydney’s St Mary’s Glue Factory. Mr Cummings is considered a legend in the racing community. He has 12 Melbourne Cup victories to… Read More ›
The (un)Australian 