Medical authorities have warned that the popularity of e-cigarettes is leading to a resurgence of wankerhood amongst young users, winding back decades of anti wankerness campaigning. “The evidence is overwhelming that vaping is a gateway to riding around the city… Read More ›
science
Shrinking Wagon Wheels Prove The Universe Is Contracting, Say Physicists
The shrinking size of Wagon Wheels is proof that the universe has stopped expanding, according to Nobel Prize winning physicists working at the Hadron Collider. “Judging by the relative width and thickness of Wagon Wheels, we speculate that the universe… Read More ›
Total Lunar Eclipse Ruined By “Folding” Aldi Chair
Despite clear night skies for Saturday’s total lunar eclipse, NSW South Coast residents had their viewing interrupted when a man lost his shit while trying to collapse a folding camping chair. Dozens of camera tripods belonging to amateur astronomers were… Read More ›
Scientists Confirm Link Between People Named Phil And Owning a Toyota Dealership
Australian scientists have confirmed a long-held belief that there is a positive correlation between people named Phil and owning a Toyota dealership. The findings were released in this month’s edition of Wheels magazine. Speaking to The (un)Australian, Phil Hubcap of Lithgow’s Phil Hubcap… Read More ›
Trump Urges Scientists To Wear Masks And Start Hitting Each Other With Chairs
The US President will begin listening to what scientists have to say if they start dressing up in fancy costumes and behave more like professional wrestlers. “Science has a lot to learn from professional wrestling which is a byword for… Read More ›
“Listening To My BS Can Remove Cells From Your Brain” Claims Pete Evans
Celebrity food heater Pete Evans has advised his followers to reduce the size of their brains by adapting their level of scientific knowledge to that of a caveman. “The human brain evolved to understand only paleo science, so modern humans… Read More ›