ISIS Recruiter Declares ‘We’d Give You Monday Off’


‘…and unlike the infidels, we will guarantee a public holiday every year for ISIS Day.’

In the lead up to Anzac Day a recruitment video for ISIS has emerged, which declares that if ISIS Day fell on a Saturday you’d still get Monday off.

The recruitment video is clearly trying to woo disgruntled Australians who won’t get the following Monday off due to Anzac Day falling on a Saturday this year. In the past, if Anzac Day fell on a weekend, the public holiday would revert to the following Monday. But this year, Australians have been swindled out of one of their few annual public holiday by the alliance of lobbyists, the RSL and the Chamber of Commerce.

The unnamed recruiter in the video stands in front of a series of black flags with Arabic writing, sporting an AK47 while saying: “We believe in vanquishing the infidels, sharia law and all the public holidays you are entitled to.”

“Not only would you get this Monday off, but you would also get time off in lieu for every suicide bombing you perform.”

The new video marks a continuing shift in strategy in ISIS recruitment. It joins previous videos that assured potential recruits that there would be no lock-out laws under ISIS, no speed limits and that all rugby league referees that made a mistake would be executed.

They have also promised to keep interest rates low and return the economy to surplus within a year.

Ryan Crawford

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Categories: Politics, World

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