Irish Gay Marriage Vote Blamed For Sydney Storm

flooded station

The Republic of Ireland’s decision to allow a May referendum on same-sex marriage is believed to be responsible for the wild weather that caused pandemonium in Sydney this week. There were five deaths in Newcastle and the Hunter Valley and much of the Illawarra was flooded but Sydney’s blackouts, public transport delays and sandy beachside car parks received the bulk of the media coverage.

The link between this week’s weather events and Irish LGBTI law reform is a tenuous one according to the weather bureau but The (un) Australian is inclined to support it.

NSW Premier Mike Baird asked employers to allow people to clock-off early on Tuesday so as to relieve pressure on the city’s choked transit system but few noticed much difference.

Workers living within walking distance of the office were the first to leave their desks surprising only the most inexperienced HR departments.

Residents of Sydney’s eastern suburbs, western suburbs and the shire were thrilled at news the Manly ferry was cancelled and the North Shore train line was closed north of Chatswood, stranding thousands of usually-smug bastards in boat shoes.

Climate change activists stole the very same arguments advanced by climate-change deniers during last December’s cold snaps but were holding them upside down. They are not expected to face charges and have promised to return the unscientific confusion of weather and climate by October at the latest.

Most Irish politicians support marriage equality and despite the country being mostly Catholic, the fact that some of the strongest opposition to same-sex marriage is coming from Protestant and Islamic groups doesn’t appear to be enough to guarantee the ‘yes’ vote’s success.

Religious groups in Ireland have seized on the disaster as proof of God’s wrath and the location of the destruction as proof of God being Irish.


Tim Govers


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