Health Concerns Prompt Government To Replace Farms With Coal Mines


Humanitarian coal being mined.

Environment Minister Greg Hunt has approved the replacement of an unsightly and unhealthy farm with an open cut coal mine, significantly increasing the output of humanitarian coal in the region.

The move has not been universally accepted with some bleeding heart, right-wing MPs like The National’s Barnaby Joyce, who have engaged in “new age” rhetoric to oppose the mine.

Joyce told The (un)Australian: “Farms are important man, like, they totally need to be there to grow stuff and provide nourishment for the people and also it’s in my electorate.”

The criticism has been rejected by Hunt, who said: “I don’t know what kind of hippy tobacco Barnaby’s been eating, but food doesn’t magically grow out of the ground, you find it in supermarkets.

“And those supermarkets don’t run on hippy nature reserves, they need electricity to run their lights and fridges and cash registers, and the only way to get that electricity is coal. Or as we like to call it, the answer to life the universe and everything.

“And besides there are genuine health concerns. Every time we don’t approve one of these mines, one of the mining magnates like Rinehart or Palmer need to be fed some live young to calm them down. And that’s really bad for their cholesterol.

“Also those farms are really unsightly. We think every electorate should be able to share in the majesty and beauty of open cut coal mines, the people of Australia have suffered too much at the hands of coal-less communities.”

Added Hunt” “Coal Coal Coal Coaly Coaly Coal Coal.”

Ryan Crawford

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