Liberal MPs Consult Bill Shorten On Proper ‘Knifing A Leader’ Technique


A group of disgruntled Government back benchers has sought a meeting with opposition leader Bill Shorten to seek advice on what technique is best used to knife a sitting prime minister.

A spokesperson for the group who requested anonymity, so let’s just call him ‘Dennis’ explained the unusual request to The (un)Australian:

“Sometimes in politics issues arise that require a bipartisan approach, such as issues of defence, national emergencies or knifing a leader. It is well known Bill, having knifed two sitting prime ministers is parliament’s leading knives man, I mean on our side Tony is the only experienced one and it’s not like he will help us out.”

Mr Shorten when told of the request was flattered by the approach however as he explained to The (un)Australian, “I’m honoured that they came to me however when it comes to my knifing technique you will just have to wait ‘til I release my autobiography, or when I’m deposed and need to knife someone in revenge.”

Undeterred by Mr Shorten’s rejection, the group will next seek a meeting with party elder Philip Ruddock in the hope he has some recollections of the Howard/Peacock years.

Mark Williamson


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