Shorten Excited That People Are Talking About Him Even If It Is Only Faceless Men Who Plan To Knife Him


Labor leader and warm favourite to appear on the next season of I’m a Celebrity Get Me The Hell Out of Here Bill Shorten was excited to hear that people were talking about him, even if it was only Labor’s faceless men planning to knife him if his popularity slumped any lower.

Speaking to The (un)Australian about the sudden interest, Mr Shorten said: “It’s an honour and a privilege to be spoken about by Labor’s faceless men, I used to be their knife man you know, I think I’m finally making some traction as Labor leader, following in the footsteps of Kevin Rudd, Bob Hawke and Simon Crean.

“Malcolm does say there’s never been a more exciting time to be an Australian and he’s right, now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to wait to be knifed.”

One of Labor’s faceless men told The (un)Australian: “We’d knife Bill today but who do we replace him with? Albo’s too smart to take the poisoned chalice same with Bowen, Rudd if he loses the UN has indicated he’s available but I think we’d rather sit this election out than go back there.”

The federal election is due to be held later this year, Bill Shorten is tipped to be replaced as leader the day after.

Mark Williamson

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Categories: Politics

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