“Psst Lyle Shelton’s Gay Pass It On”


The latest rumour to do the rounds of the school yard is that Lyle Shelton, head of the Australian Christian Lobby, is gay.

It was said that the rumour originated after Mr Shelton participated in a debate and gave his reason for being against marriage equality as: “People might think I’m gay.”

Little Kyle Smith, 12, when asked on the swing set what he knew about Mr Shelton told The (un)Australian: “Yeah I heard he’s gay, you know it’s like they say those who smelt it dealt it and those that denied it supplied it, so you know, but who cares anyway, you love who you love.”

When contacted by The (un)Australian on the rumour,  Shelton replied: “Am not you are, go away, I’m telling my Uncle Tony and he’ll bash you!”

A plebiscite into marriage equality will be held after the next election should the coalition win. Should Australia say yes to marriage equality Mr Shelton plans to cover his ears and shout, “La la la, not listening to you, la, la, la.”

Mark Williamson


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Categories: Politics

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3 replies

  1. There is no hatred, bigotry or discrimination to uphold the millennia-old understanding that marriage is solely between a man and a woman. History has held this view for a reason – it is the only way that civilizations can thrive and be prosperous. The family unit is vital to how society functions and when it is distorted or changed, so does society. Already, heterosexual children are told not to use the terms “boy, girl, him, her, mummy, daddy, etc” because these terms are gender specific and oppose the same-sex/transgender identification – so heterosexual people (from a very young age onwards) are impacted in thousands of ways by the same sex marriage re-definition. Plus all heterosexual marriages change from being recognised as “married to a member of the opposite sex for life” to “someone I am temporarily having sex with” which, for me, would be insulting if I was in anyway assumed to be married just for sex or to another man. So every time I say the words “I’m married”, my marriage is being damaged by the re-definition of marriage.

    The Rome Empire that had rampant hedonism and debauchery in the 1st-3rd centuries were not Christian (they killed Christians for sport in the “circuses” where lions would eat Christians) and the Emperor Constantine turned to Christianity as a way out of the horrors going on in the Roman society. So there is a perfect example of how we must also avoid the same horrors of rampant hedonism and debauchery by following the Christian teachings. In other words, we can be “saved from ourselves”. The ACL are highlighting the unfair and dishonest name-calling and dirty political tactics used by the same sex lobby group to silence their critics and shove their agenda down our throats. This will be highlighted a thousand times as the same sex lobby group continue with their dishonest bully tactics and prove the ACL to be true over-and-over-and-over again.


  2. Neil Aitchison is the funniest comic creation I’ve seen all year. Please ask her to contribute regularly.


  3. It’s not just the redefinition of marriage that is a problem. Why was there no plebiscite about changing the definition of “election” from being something that only men could participate in? Or the redefinition of “hotel” which allowed them to serve alcohol to aborigines?

    The problem with redefining words to allow for gay marriage is that “gay” traditionally means “happy”, and although a happy marriage may be a difficult thing to achieve, I’m not sure that it ought to be legally forbidden.

    It’s not just the change of definition which creates problems when allowing someone else to have the same rights as I have. Heterosexual marriage was changed significantly when divorce became legal. Whatever happened to marriage being “married to a member of the opposite sex for life”? Now you can just walk away after 20 years of being miserable, and the law permits it. You’re not even allowed to rape your own wife any more. Shocking!

    As a supporter of traditional marriage, I was trying to organise a group of men from my town to stone a girl to death because she wasn’t a virgin when she married. According to the bible, this is what God wants us to do, and yet the nanny state we live in meant that we aren’t allowed to deal biblical justice to those wicked sinners who think that it is permissible to marry widows. I didn’t vote for that.


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