Government To Render Down The Dead To Fill Budget Black Hole


The debt to society is currently forgiven when someone dies – now the government is reconsidering the policy.

The Turnbull government is considering the controversial move of collecting tax arrears from the dead, through recovering commercial quantities of phosphorus by rendering down the corpses of Australian tax-payers and residents.

Former Treasurer Joe Hockey backed the idea of harvesting the recently deceased two years ago, but was quickly shut down by Tony Abbott to avoid clashes with the Vatican over the sanctity of the mortal remains of God’s children.

Labor also slammed the idea as a “death tax” – even though most other debts, such as mortgages and credit card debt, is extracted by the vulture-like entities employed by banks to suck the marrow from the husks of their customers, both living and dead.

Sources from the knackery and rendering sector said the proposal had merit, as about 85% of the body’s phosphorus is in bones and teeth, readily available through cracking, sucking and boiling methods. Treasurer Scott Morrison is reported as warming to the idea, under pressure to find sources of revenue to fund election year tax concessions.

Treasury officials confirmed that modelling of the economic value of both the recent dead and skeletal remains dating back to the 1990s has been undertaken to assess the value of the recovered phosphorus against reduced marginal tax rates.

Speaking on the condition of anonymity, one necroeconometrician observed: “It’s finally time to end the spectre of intergenerational welfare being poured, literally, into a hole.”

Peter Faulkner

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Categories: Politics

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