Labor leader Bill Shorten has appointed former speed-skating Olympic gold medallist Steven Bradbury as his Chief of Staff, in anticipation of winning the next election.
A spokesperson for the Opposition leader spoke to The (un)Australian about the controversial appointment, saying: “No one in their right or left mind thought Bill had any chance whatsoever of beating Malcolm at the next election, but bugger me if he doesn’t look like skating across the line.”
“So we thought we need someone to guide Bill, someone with experience in coming from nowhere to victory after his opponents stuffed up, so who better than Bradbury?”
When it was put to the spokesperson that Bradbury had no political experience at all he replied: “So, name me a backbencher who does? I mean Clive Palmer knew nothing and look at him now, the ABC devoted a night of television to him!”
Mr Shorten is tipped to win the next election, likely to be held in July, unless of course he is knifed prior to it.