Labor defence spokesman Stephen Conroy has launched a successful invasion of China armed only with a large wooden club.
“Someone had to show China it couldn’t just thumb its nose at the rest of the world,” said a wild eyed Conroy as he clobbered his way through swathes of People’s Army troops. “I expect to be in Beijing by midday tomorrow planting a flag with the Conroy family crest on it firmly into the centre of Tiananmen Square.”
China has appealed to the Permanent Court of Arbitration to declare Conroy’s invasion illegal.
“Well well well, look who’s come crawling back to us,” said Permanent Court judge Hedwig Gavel. “Yes China, you’ll find a ruling declaring Stephen Conroy’s invasion illegal… at your mumma’s house!”
“At first we thought China was simply building an ornamental lake in the South China Sea with stepping stones, koi carp and little pagodas,” said a frothing at the mouth Conroy as he rounded up a tank division that had just surrendered to him. “But when our satellite images showed the stepping stones reached halfway to America we realised something more sinister may be happening.”
Conroy is the first senior Labor Party figure to personally invade a sovereign nation since Gough Whitlam’s minister for foreign affairs Donald Willisee conquered Indonesia in 1975.