Former Prime Minister John Howard Discovers Cure For Insomnia


Former Prime Minister and eyebrow enthusiast John Winston Howard has stumbled upon a cure for insomnia.

Mr Howard recently filmed an ABC documentary on another former prime minister, Sir Robert Menzies, and test screenings showed it was 100% effective in putting people to sleep.

Speaking to The (un)Australian, Mr Howard said: “I always found Menzies a fascinating study and one night I was talking to my wife Janet about him and she just started nodding off and I thought hang on a minute Johnny boy you may have something here. So I called the ABC, threatened their funding and they green lit it.”

Scientists have claimed the combination of Howard and Menzies, with added Clive James, is a potent formula in aiding sleep.

However, they have warned that over exposure to Howard can have side effects such as excessive eyebrow growth and an abnormal hatred of anyone travelling by boat.

Mark Williamson

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Categories: Media

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