Donald Trump has pulled America out of the TPP after discovering the letters stand for Trans Pacific Partnership and have nothing to do with the by products of drinking too much tea.
“I was excited about the TPP when I thought it was some arrangement with Britain to send us some of their finest working girls and a crate of earl grey,” admitted the President. “That sounded like my kind of tea party but instead I’ve been informed that it’s some kind of trade deal with trans people and you know how icky I feel about the whole LGBTI crowd. No thanks.”
Mr Trump instead will focus on moving into the White House which he intends to change to the Yellow House.
“The President has informed us that he’ll be importing some of his friends from Moscow to help him paint the White House yellow,” said Washington odd job man Josh Tinkler. “The method he’ll be using is one you’re unlikely to see Scotty Cam demonstrating on Backyard Blitz.”
Mr Trump has disputed the official crowd figures given for his inauguration saying he counted several million on his fingers.
“I kept losing count because it’s really hard to see my tiny little hands but I reckon the figure was close to a billion. Make that a zillion trillion.”