Tony Abbott Calls On Turnbull To Knight Old King Cole

Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott has demanded that Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull reinstate the Knights and Dames honours and award the first knighthood to fictitious character Old King Cole.

Speaking to The (un)Australian Mr Abbott talked up King Cole’s virtues, saying: “Old King Cole is a merry old soul, a merry old soul was he. And I think most Australians realise that we as a country need to start taking coal seriously.”

“I mean how can we rely on solar power, the sun isn’t out at night time.”

When reached for comment Prime Minister Turnbull took a break from banging his head against a wall to say: “The Liberal party is a very broad church and I will take Mr Abbott’s comments on board. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to meet with the Minerals council of Australia to hear my weekly orders, I mean to chat.”

Opposition leader Bill Shorten could not be reached for comment as he was busy meeting with removalists to discuss the logistics of his pending move into the Lodge.

Mark Williamson

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