New Zealand claims to have the technology to build a mini “chilly bin” capable of fitting into a missile and the capacity to launch it as far as Norfolk Island as tension with Australia escalates.
“If foolish Australia threatens us with fire and fury then they should expect to be met with smouldering mild annoyance, the likes of which the world has never seen,” said a visibly peeved NZ Prime Minister Bill Jong Unglish. “Our elite military force, The Bouncers, have the ability to throw a jandal a long way into the Tasman Sea and we won’t hesitate to use it.”
“We are already equipping out armed forces with the right shoes so that The Bouncers will have no excuse not to let them into the country should we choose to invade,” said Australian PM Malcolm Turnbull. “We also have a plan to get around their missile defence system by bowling our missiles in underarm.”
The conflict heightened after long time sleeper agents Barnaby Joyce and Scott Ludlam, who had been posing as a typical Australian suburban married couple, were uncovered after the ASIO agent living next door discovered a number of discarded Crowded House CDs and Shortland Street boxed sets out the front of their house on council clean up day.
“I always thought it was suspicious when I heard loud cheering coming from Barnaby’s office whenever the All Blacks scored a try during a Bledisloe Cup match,” said Foreign Minister Julie Bishop. “I guess that also explains why he got excited on “crate day” and could be heard walking around parliament humming Dave Dobbyn tunes.”