Up to 5000 jobs may be lost in the Victorian cocaine industry in the wake of the state government’s decision to no longer fund the annual TV Week Logie Awards.
“Daniel Andrews obviously has no idea how important the cocaine industry is to the economy of the state,” said Jason Sniffle, president of the Victorian Cocaine Dealers Association. “We do 90% of our annual turnover in the week leading up to the Logies, it’s like our Christmas.”
Sectors expected to be hardest hit by the loss of the Logies include importers of wanky prestige cars, retailers of small mirrors and workers employed in the manufacturing of the smallest size of resealable plastic sandwich bags.
“We welcome the opportunity to host the Logies and with it the chance to establish a regional cocaine industry,” said Dubbo mayor Caroline Powders. “We’ve already created 25 new jobs in the shelf building industry as we update the toilets in the town hall to accommodate the influx of Logies guests.”
The town has already imported several tonnes of rolled up fifty dollar notes in anticipation of increased demand during the Logies season.