The official painter of nameplates on the office doors of the Australian parliament has taken extended sick leave after recent overwork has led to inflammation of a repetitive strain injury in his painting arm.
“My right hand has tightened into a claw from clutching a little paintbrush as I’ve been working 18 hours a day keeping up with all the new MPs coming in to this place,” said Jeff Kearney, chief parliament house door and nameplate maintenance technician. “The doctor says that I’ve got to go somewhere nice and quiet where the personnel turnover is a bit more relaxed otherwise there is a real good chance my arm will drop completely off.”
“I had to nick down to Woollies and buy every Toblerone in the confectionary aisle after we ran out of those little plastic triangle shaped name holders,” admitted parliament house stores officer Beryl Swingline. “We’re down to our last tin of nameplate paint and may have to fire up the old Dymo labeller if the dual citizenship crisis goes on for another week or two.”
“I’ll just finish off this new office door before I go back to the farm for some much needed R & R,” said a haggard looking Kearney. “There we go, “Fraser Anning, Pauline Hanson’s One Nation Party”. Hopefully I won’t need to touch that one up for a while.”