Column: Mark Latham’s Guide To Being A Cook

When those lefty freaks at The (un)Australian tweeted me to ask if I would write for them you could have knocked me over with a feather as I swore I’d blocked them. But then I got to thinking, you know Mark the more people you reach the more people you can abuse. So I took a break from angrily tweeting random females on Twitter and pulled together a recipe for all you lefties to cook and hopefully choke on.

As a man you must be able to cook. Whether it’s for yourself or to pull a root. The days of ordering take away are over. Especially for me as I’m banned from using Uber eats after I challenged the driver to a fist fight.

One of my favourite dishes to cook and it’s somewhat of a specialty of mine is meat pie ala Latho. Now don’t panic this is not a complicated dish. First thing you need to do is pull the pie out of the freezer. Preferably grab a chunky beef variety, one that will really get up a vego lefty’s nose.

After getting it out of the freezer you then take the pie out of the plastic. This is a difficult step. Especially if like me you are not allowed to be around sharp objects. Personally I use my teeth.

Once out of the wrapping chuck it on a baking dish and throw it in the oven for about 20 minutes or whatever the packet says.

After it’s cooked take it out of the oven, now careful as the dish will be hot. Bung it on a plate and serve with sauce. Most prefer tomato but me I like a bit of  Worcestershire sauce as it gives it a nice taste of bitterness.

This dish should get you through the week and hopefully into the sack. Come back next week where I’ll teach you all how to cook with bile.

You can check out our new show Decennium Horribilius at this year’s Sydney Comedy Festival. Hosted by The (un)Australian, the quiz show features teams of some of Sydney’s best comics trying to answer questions about the decade of the 1990s — with prizes for the audience.

Saturday May 5, 5.30pm. The Factory Theatre. Book tickets here.

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter or like us on facebook.



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