Greens leader and ‘federal joint chief’ Richard Di Natale told a smoke-filled Canberra party room on Friday that cannibalism needs to be decriminalised and legalised.
“This day, the 20th of April, or 4/20 Day, we present our cornerstone policy; that cannibalism should be accessible and the product sold in plain packaging at supermarkets nationwide.”
The former GP explained that this same ‘tradition’ has worked without issue in other countries where cannibalism has been practised for hundreds of years, including Liberia, People’s Republic of Congo, and the Ganges River, in India.
Speaking from a skull-shaped bong on a lectern, Di Natale declared, “I will have Turnbull’s head on a plate if we encounter any resistance in the senate”. He continued, “The products wouldn’t cost and arm and a leg, and the government could use tax revenue collected for education programs so that people can get help when they need it, instead of loitering around cemeteries”
“I realise cannibalism is highly addictive” Di Natale said. “As a doctor, I’ve seen people start chewing their nails on a Monday and by Friday their Nanna’s gone missing. This is the solution.”
It is unclear whether the Prime Minister will agree to a referendum on putting the ‘men back into menu’ but the Senate will have much on their plates when sitting resumes next week.
You can check out our new show Decennium Horribilius at this year’s Sydney Comedy Festival. Hosted by The (un)Australian, the quiz show features teams of some of Sydney’s best comics trying to answer questions about the decade of the 1990s — with prizes for the audience.
Saturday May 5, 5.30pm. The Factory Theatre. Book tickets here.