The entire population of Australia has descended with outrage upon Barnaby Joyce for accepting $150,000 for an interview after assuring themselves they would totally knock back the same offer if it was ever made to them.
“There’s no way I’d ever set my kid up for life by taking 150K for a few hours of yammering away in front of a TV camera,” said professional man in the street Tom Grunick of Toowoomba. “I’d much rather spend years and years slaving away at a job I hated but with my honour intact knowing I’d upheld some kind of vague notion of how I reckon a public figure should behave.”
“I’d set the dogs on them and tell them to take that money away and never darken my doorway again,” said out of work satirist Jane Craig, whose last paid job was taking $25 an hour handing flyers at Sexpo dressed as a giant vibrator. “How dare a man whose political raison d’etre is espousing the system of free enterprise be so gauche.”
Social media feeds and water coolers around the nation were inundated with ordinary citizens restating how they’d rather dress their kids in hessian sacks and make their shoes from old car tyres rather than compromise their integrity for soiled cash.
“Mate I ditched the missus last year for the local barmaid but I’d never sell the story even if they backed up a cement mixer full of pineapples to my back door,” said Wagga Wagga blogger Aaron Altman. “Actually, buy us a beer and I’ll tell you everything.”