Dutton Announces The Death Penalty For Anyone Who Tampers With A Potato


Following the recent spate of needles being found in strawberries and other assorted fruits the Minister for the Home Affairs Peter Dutton has announced as a preventative measure that anyone caught tampering with a potato will be put to death.

“What has happened to our strawberry farmers is horrific and I think we can all agree that should this happen to potatoes, then for most Australian’s it would be like a death in the family,” said Minister Dutton.

“I’m sorry just the thought of a poor innocent potato having a knife stuck in it’s back or even worse a no confidence motion passed against it makes me choke up a little.”

When asked whether the death penalty for food tampering could be applied to other food types like apples or au pairs, the Minister replied: “We will definitely look into it for au pairs though we may limit it to only the imported au pairs.”

Mark Williamson 


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Categories: Politics

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