Millions of Australians still waiting to opt out of the My Health scheme have been supplied with digital copies of 20 year old National Geographics and Gourmet Traveller Magazines to keep them occupied.
“I got online about forty minutes ago and I’m pretty sure that some guy who got online twenty minutes after me managed to opt out first, but never mind because I’ve become engrossed with this issue of Time magazine from 1993,” said citizen Mike Schubert. “I hope that President Clinton can do something about the situation in Bosnia or that could turn ugly.”
“Damn it, someone’s ripped out the entire article about new layout of St Andrews from this germ filled 2003 issue of Golf Digest,” said disappointed queuer Rita Busby. “At least the kids are happy playing with that wooden and plastic toy where you move the beads along a loopy wire.”
Choices include a five year old copy of the Good Weekend magazine from the Saturday Herald with all the crosswords done, a pamphlet in seven different community languages about macular degeneration, and Wheels Magazine’s special luxury car issue from 1998.
“The My Health opt out has been a resounding success,” said Department of Health official James Scrub. “We now have a full and complete list of every conspiracy nut and paranoid in the nation, so everyone who has opted out can expect to receive a full set of the pink and yellow pills in the mail any day now.”