The federal government has made its next move towards securing a workable Covid-19 vaccine for distribution in Australia, committing to test any prospective vaccines on News Corporation columnists before moving on to human trials.
“Well, we wanted to exhaust all clinical trials before moving to testing on Australian citizens,” stated Prime Minister Scott Morrison in one of his rare Covid-related press releases.
“We’ve been reliably informed that News Corp Columnists share 98% of genes with humans, making them perfect test subjects for any vaccine.”
The announcement has caused outrage amongst prominent Anti-Vaxxers, with Pete Evans saying that, without his amazing healing crystals, these tests could kill any test subjects.
Shannelle Cartwright, wife of professional footballer Bryce, refrained from commenting until someone provided her with illustrations of what was going on.
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