Greens Call For A Ban On The Election Day Sausage Sizzle

The Australian Greens have today called for the immediate banning of the traditional Election Day sausage sizzle, declaring that it is highly insensitive to vegetarians and that the phallic nature of the sausage is intimidating to female voters.

“For too long, voters have been forced to endure children trying to foist a sausage on them as they line up to vote. The smell of burning dead animals is horrific, and then you’re confronted with this giant phallic symbol!” said Greens’ spokesperson Justine Chardonnay. ”It’s too much. I just want to vote and aggressively push my Greens Party how-to-vote card onto others.”

When we raised the issue of the Election Day sausage sizzle being a great way for schools and community groups to raise funds, Justine responded by saying: “They could sell tofu, salad or mung beans! It’s not all about meat, you know. A lot of my friends love mung beans.”

A spokesperson for Premier Dominic Perrottet refused to be drawn into the debate without first checking with developers, whilst Opposition Leader Chris Minns asked us what Perrottet was doing and said he’d consult the Unions and get back to us.

We didn’t dare raise the issue with the Shooters, Fishers and Farmers Party, as they’re armed and crazy.

Mark Williamson


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Categories: Politics

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1 reply

  1. What a lovely, Conservative piece…


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