Opposition leader, Peter Dutton, has celebrated his success over the weekend in overtaking Prime Minister Anthony Albanese in the polls by heading to his local pet store and strangling a basket of puppies.
”It’s important that we don’t just dwell on the negatives but celebrate the little wins in life, said the Opposition leader. ”A lot of people doubted that I could be popular, well I’d like to see the look in their eyes today.”
”Probably looks the same as the glint in the puppies eyes that is slowly extinguished as I wrap my hands around it’s fuzzy little neck.”
When asked if he truly believed that he could one day lead the Nation, the Opposition leader said: ”Of course I do, I have Gina by my side and all my opponents neutralised, what could go wrong?”
”Fear not Australia, I will be a benevolent dictator.”
”Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for dear Gina Rinehart. Keep that in mind and you will do well in Peter Dutton’s Australia.”
”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and see a man about strangling a dog.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
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