A cabinet leak from today’s federal budget has revealed that Treasurer Joe Hockey has already invested seven billion dollars worth of projected budget savings on six magic beans that he got from an old man* that he met while walking to the treasury office last Monday.
A spokesperson for the Treasurer defended his decision to spend the money on the beans telling The (un)Australian, “These beans are a great opportunity for Australia. They will encourage growth, jobs and opportunity for the country. In just two years we have acquired more magic beans than Julia Gillard ever did.”
Opposition leader Bill Shorten declined to criticise the treasurer over his decision. In a measured response he told The (un) Australian: “I won’t condemn Mr Hockey but I won’t stand by him either, we will wait and see what happens and ultimately strive to do what’s best for the Australian people. The Labor Party is a party of ideas and when I get one I’ll let you know.”
Greens Senator Sarah Hanson Young was unavailable for comment. A spokesperson for Senator Hanson Young stated that she was too overwhelmed. What was overwhelming is unclear.
The federal budget will be released tonight. Witnesses claim Joe Hockey has been seen accosting strangers in Canberra offering to exchange an early copy for something shiny.
*The old man in question was not Philip Ruddock